I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
