we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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