i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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