i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
