my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
