I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
