I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
