Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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