my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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