I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
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some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We smell like vodka and hangover
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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