and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
