Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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