She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
