I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
