Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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