my sisters under your porch take her home
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
