can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
