you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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