just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
