the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
