i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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