I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
