Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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