I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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