Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
