I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Randomize
