Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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