As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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