i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
