white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Drunk is a universal language darling
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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