Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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