the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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