Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
