I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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