I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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