You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
