I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
my being single is dangerous.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
