I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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