wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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