I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
