I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
