My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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