when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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