so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
