I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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