Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
