I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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