well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
