nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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