You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
