i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
