I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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