There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
