my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
