like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
this is an emotional support booty call
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
