I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
