I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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