I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
