Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
