All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
