I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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