homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
