I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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