So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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