Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize