I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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