and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
