rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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