I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
