I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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