Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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