Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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