I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
