you win again, gameday.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
