He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
