you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
